THIS

I don't think I should have to deal with THIS stuff anymore. At this point in my life, I should be relaxing and not worrying about getting into a relationship. Maybe I don't WANT one. Maybe I just want to be a mom to my daughter. I don't think I should be the one deciding this sort of thing anyways. You asked me what I wanted, I told you; I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I gave you an honest answer and I'm not leading you on. Sorry if my answer was confusing, but do you really think I've thinking about getting into a serious relationship this close to giving birth? I don't get you either. I don't think you know what you want in life either because at 20 years old, I highly doubt you want " Dad" on your resume. My daughter and I come as a packaged deal babe. Decided what you really want and we'll go from there.

I don't know

I'm caught in the middle of what could be a bad situation. I don't know how to handle this kind of thing and if I wasn't so stupid to get myself caught in this in the first place it would never have happened..... Lord I pray for the best

The Big Picture

So... my ultrasound is tomorrow. Yay!!!! I'll get to see my little girl wiggling around some more which is always a blessing. She is such a beautiful baby. I got my hair cut just for the occasion. Oddly enough as I was walking around Downtown today, even with my pregnant belly visible, I'm still getting hit on by men. It's like they don't even care I'm someone's mom (which is actually somewhat creepy...). I've even had men try to ask me for dinner as soon as they find out I'm single still. I really don't know what to think of that. On one hand, I'm flattered that they still find me attractive but on the other, I'm kind of.... wondering what exactly their intentions are. I mean you get those creepy men out there. But some guys have that hero complex where they want to "save the damsel in distress" but are they going to still be attracted when they find out that I really don't need to be saved? I mean, yeah I feel lonely a lot, but I really do have things under control. I can save myself. Anywho, I had a dream the other night about my first love. It was really more like a memory of various intimate times we shared all rolled into one. I saw his eyes and that wonderful look in them he got when he was really looking at me and you could just see how he cared in his eyes. Usually a dream like that would make me sad, remembering all I've lost. But I woke up really happy and refreshed.... like maybe it is all becoming a sweet memory. Maybe... after all this time... I'm finally moving on???